Repairing After Conflict: How Coming Back Together Strengthens the Parent-Child Bond
- Patricia Shpetner
- Nov 3
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 8
I grew up in a home where emotions weren’t talked about, at least not in healthy ways. Anger was loud, love was quiet and vulnerability didn’t feel safe. Emotional neglect and verbal abuse shaped much of my understanding of relationships and for a long time, I carried those patterns without realizing it. When I became a parent, I was determined to do things differently, but that didn’t mean it was easy. In therapy, I often found myself worried about the moments I lost patience or failed to respond calmly. I feared becoming what I grew up with. When I shared those fears, my therapist reminded me of something simple but life-
changing “It’s about the repair.” That phrase became a lifeline, a reminder that healing and growth don’t come from perfection, but from reconnecting, owning our mistakes and showing our children that love can mend what was once broken. Every parent has moments they wish they could take back, snapping after a long day, missing a cue or saying something in frustration. The truth is, no relationship is perfect. What really matters isn’t avoiding conflict altogether, but knowing how to repair the connection when things go wrong.
What “Repair” Really Means
Repair is the process of coming back together after a moment of disconnection. It means acknowledging what happened, taking responsibility, and finding your way back to each other (Kemp, 2016). It’s not about pretending the conflict didn’t happen, but rather it’s about showing your child that love and connection can
survive difficult moments.
Why Repair Is So Important
It builds security and trust. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need responsive, attuned ones. Research shows that small mismatches happen all the time between parents and children, but when parents repair those moments, kids learn that relationships are safe and dependable (ThoughtfulParent, 2025).
It teaches emotional regulation. When parents calm down, take a breath, and repair the relationship, kids see how to handle strong feelings. Studies have found that children who experience consistent repair are better at managing their emotions and bouncing back from stress (ThoughtfulParent, 2025).
It models healthy conflict. Repair gives children a living example of how to navigate disagreements with honesty, empathy and accountability. Those lessons will carry into friendships, romantic relationships and even how they parent one day (Scherer, 2023).
How to Practice Repair
Pause first. Before trying to talk, take time to cool off. Repair works best when you’re calm. (Scherer, 2023)
Name what happened. Say something like, “I got frustrated and raised my voice. That wasn’t fair to you.” (EdParenting, 2025)
Validate their feelings. Let your child know it’s okay to feel hurt or angry. “I understand why you felt upset.”
Apologize sincerely. Focus on your part, no excuses. “I’m sorry I yelled. You didn’t deserve that.”
Reconnect through warmth. Once things have settled, share a hug, play a game or do something kind together. Physical and emotional closeness seal the repair.
Repair Makes Relationships Stronger
Many parents worry that conflict damages the bond with their children, but in reality, repair is what builds resilience. Each time you come back together, you’re teaching your child that relationships can weather hard moments and still remain loving. Over time, these small repairs create deep trust and emotional safety. (Kemp, 2016)
Parenting isn’t about perfection, it’s about connection. When you repair, you’re not just fixing a moment, you are showing your child what it means to love, forgive and try again.
References
EdParenting. (2025). Gentle parenting and the art of repairing relationships.
Kemp, C. J. (2016). Can we fix this? Parent–child repair processes and attachment. Frontiers in Psychology.
Scherer, K. (2023). Navigating parent-child conflict: The art of reconnection and repair. Medium.
ThoughtfulParent. (2025, June 19). What does research tell us about parent-child conflict?